1) Stay child centered during every interaction

• Keep routines: As much as possible honor the pickup plan. Arrive at the expected time and provide a routine around bedtime and basic household expectations. 
• Use validation: This is a highly emotional time, especially for the children. Give them the opportunity to reflect feelings while avoiding interrogation or leading questions. Allow the child to share their frustrations without disparaging the other parent.
• Create connection rituals: A weekly activity, shared meal or short daily call when permitted can go a long way towards solidifying the foundation of the relationship with your child.

2) Document patterns, support your case, avoid self sabotage

• Parenting time log: dates, exchanges, cancellations, reasons given  
• Communication file: texts, emails, app messages, keep originals  
• Third party observations: school notes, counselor notes, coaches, relatives

3) Use court tools that reduce conflict, increase contact

Understanding parental alienation

How custody decisions are made

Keeping parenting time consistent

• Keep a detailed parenting log with visits, missed exchanges and your child’s reactions
• Save emails or texts that show respectful communication and cooperation
• Note any interruptions in court-ordered time, like canceled visits or denied calls

Using legal options when needed

Responding to alienation claims

Strengthening your bond over time

Focusing on the child’s well-being

How can I recognize the signs of PA?

• The children act withdrawn: They may become unresponsive and express disinterest towards the alienated parent.
• The children start to lack empathy: They begin to feel no remorse for their harmful actions towards the alienated parent.
• The children badmouth the other parent: They may start to perceive the alienated parent as a bad person and converse with them negatively.
• The children express disapproval: They may begin to act rude and refuse to spend quality time with the alienated parent.

• Repeated false accusations about the other parent
• Blocking calls, texts or parenting time
• Coaching a child to refuse visits
• Undermining medical or school decisions to exclude the other parent
• Telling a child that the other parent does not love them

Can you seek emergency custody?

Are there alternatives to emergency custody?

• Modification of existing custody orders: You can ask the court to change your current custody arrangement to better protect your relationship with your child.
• Therapy or counseling: The court might order therapy or counseling for the child, the alienating parent or the whole family. The goal here is to get to the root of the issues.
• Supervised visitation: The court could order visits to be supervised. This is to make sure the child is safe and well during time with the alienating parent.
• Injunctions or restraining orders: In serious situations, the court might issue an injunction or restraining order in place to prevent further alienation.

Take action today

• Remaining calm: Sometimes individuals lie in custody cases to rile up the other parent. This, in turn, could get someone like you to say something that you’ll later regret when it’s used against you in court. So, even if you’re upset with the falsehoods being perpetrated by the other parent, take some time to step away from the situation, center yourself and think through your next steps before responding.
• Gathering contradictory evidence: If the lies being told are groundless, then there’s a good chance that you can find evidence to counter the other parent’s accusations. You might need to turn to witness testimony from those who know you and your child best, but education and medical records might be helpful, too.
• Keeping detailed records: If you know that the other parent struggles to tell the truth, then you need to do your best to document it. Reducing your communications with them to writing can help, especially when you ask them to confirm what you’re hearing them say. Also, though, take notes about any in-person conversations you have with them, and if you can view their social media be sure to take screenshots of anything that you think may constitute a falsity about you, your child or your parenting capabilities.
• Considering the utilization of experts: A lot of custody cases boil down to he-said, she-said situations, which can be difficult for the court to handle and can really be a gamble on your part. You might be able to tip the scales in your favor, though, if you use expert witnesses. For example, if you have your child see a mental health professional who can dispel the statements and concerns voiced by the other parent, then you can discredit the other parent’s position and support a finding that your proposed custody plan is in your child’s best interests.

Don’t let the truth slip away from your child custody case

Tips when visiting your child

• Lay the framework: Your child’s behavior during visitation is likely molded by what they’ve been told and taught by the other parent. Therefore, if your child starts to get out of hand, it’s a good idea to inform them of the inappropriateness of their behavior, that you still love them, that their behaviors may reflect poorly on the other parent and that those behaviors may be brought up in court, assuming your child is already aware of the court proceedings. Since alienated children will often do whatever they can to protect the alienating parent, this oftentimes will correct the behavior in question. While you may need to repeat these assertions one or two more times, try to avoid lengthy, drawn-out conversations about it. This will help you retain control of the visit.
• Actually parent: A lot of parents who are embroiled in parental alienation are afraid to actually parent their children because they’re worried that their actions will be misconstrued and lead to further alienation. While that’s a legitimate concern, you still have to be a parent. Take your child’s phone from them if they continue to communicate with the other parent during your parenting time and refuse to stop. Implement consequences if your child breaks the rules. Just make sure everything you do is justified and reasonable in light of the circumstances.
• Document everything: Documentation and a clear recollection of events is crucial in a parental alienation case. It’s therefore a good idea to keep detailed notes about the interactions you have with your child, both positive and negative. Don’t minimize or exaggerate in these notes, either.

Do you need additional help dealing with parental alienation?

Keep records of all communication

Social media posts

The importance of acting quickly

1. Allow yourself to feel your emotions: If you can’t act on your emotions, then you might try to suppress them. But this is unhealthy and can lead to other mental health issues. You need to allow yourself to feel your emotions so that you can accept them and eventually get over them. Writing about how you feel in a journal can be a great way to really think about your emotions, where they come from, and how you can gain acceptance of them.
2. Seek out assistance: You shouldn’t have to shoulder the realities of parental alienation on your own. And you don’t have to. You can discuss your experiences with a mental health professional like a therapist or psychologist who can help you gain a better understanding of your mental state and how to cope with the struggles you’re facing. This can give you a sense of support and a feeling that you’re not going at this alone.
3. Develop a sense of normalcy: When you’re being subjected to alienation, it can feel like your world is spinning out of control. But you can regain that control by establishing a new normal. You can strike up new relationship, rekindle old ones, and turn towards those things you care about to give you a sense of joy and purpose while you try to undo the harm caused by parental alienation.
4. Be productive: While your mind is probably swimming with negative thoughts, you have to try to push them to the background and focus on taking action. By being proactive, you’ll gain a sense that change is possible, which will give you hope for your child and your future with them.

Don’t let parental alienation take your child away from you

• Allow your child to take control during play: When your child is being subjected to parental alienation, they lose control over their own thoughts and feelings as the other parent manipulates them. By playing with your child in an unstructured way while giving them complete control over the play, you allow them to recapture their independence and their own thought processes. This is a technique used by many play therapists to discover how younger children really feel about the world around them and what’s happening to them.
• Allow your child to come to you: Once you’ve identified parental alienation, you might be tempted to talk about it with your child to proactively set the record straight. Resist the urge to do so. If you pressure your child too much, or if you try to explain away their thoughts and feelings, you might unintentionally engage in your own kind of parental alienation. Be patient with your child by allowing them to come to you with their questions, concerns, and emotions. Just be prepared for it to take a significant amount of time for them to turn a corner and recognize that patience is key.
• Be an attentive listener: In their other parent’s household, the child isn’t free to think and feel for themselves. You can counteract that by giving them a direct outlet to you in your home. This can reduce the pressure that they’re experiencing and allow them to truly explore how they’re feeling. That way they can seek out the true information they need to make their own decisions and develop their own thoughts. But for this to be successful you have to create an environment that’s open and receptive to them.
• Avoid behaviors that align with perceptions of you created by the alienating parent: If you act in a way that mirrors your child’s false perceptions of you, then you just solidify their views and the image that the alienating parent has created of you. Don’t let that happen. Make a conscious effort to act in ways that are contrary to how you’ve been perceived through parental alienation.

Don’t let parental alienation cause irreparable harm to your child and your relationship with them

• Your child unrelentingly criticizes you and your extended family.
• Your child makes harsh statements against you that have no basis in fact.
• Your child exhibits unwavering support for the other parent.
• Your child falsely believes allegations about being abused or neglected.
• You’re kept out of the loop as far as what’s going on with your child academically and medically.
• You’re denied visitation, even when it’s ordered by the court.

How can you bring alienation to a stop?

• Keep a journal: Writing down every symptom of parental alienation can help you keep track of them all and quickly recall them in detail when you need to. This will illustrate to the court the extent and severity of the problem.
• Make requests for contact in writing: If your child’s other parent is blocking you from having contact with your child, then you need to reduce your requests to writing so that you’re making a record of your attempts. This will give you evidence to show your consistency and the other parent’s habitual conduct in denying access to your child.
• Don’t fall into alienating behavior: Even when you know that alienation is occurring, you shouldn’t give into the temptation to get back at your spouse. Remember, bad mouthing the other parent in front of your child or telling your child false information about the other parent is alienating behavior that can be harmful to your child.
• Seek a custody modification: The best way to protect your child is to modify your existing custody order in a way that shields your child from the other parent. You’ll need to demonstrate a substantial change in circumstances, which you might be able to do if you follow the other tips mentioned above.

Don’t let parental alienation ruin your relationship with your child